The Healing Ointment of Forgiveness
Forgiveness does not pretend the wound never happened. It allows the wound to stop controlling what happens next.
The Splinter That Stayed
Kevin R. Duncan once shared an experience from years earlier when a small wooden splinter entered his finger while he was repairing a fence.
He tried to remove it and assumed he had succeeded.
But part of the splinter remained beneath the skin.
Over time, the skin grew over it.
The wound appeared closed, but the foreign object was still inside.
A painful lump developed and remained for years.
Eventually, he began applying ointment and covering the area with a bandage.
Little by little, the skin softened.
Then one day, when he removed the bandage, the splinter came out.
Once the source of the pain was removed, the finger quickly healed.
The story provides a powerful image of forgiveness.
When someone hurts us, part of that experience can remain lodged within us.
Time may cover it.
We may learn how to function around it.
Other people may assume we have moved on.
But if the hurt remains inside, it can continue causing pain long after the original wound.
The Choice to Soften or Harden
When we are wounded, we generally move in one of two directions.
We soften.
Or we harden.
Hardening can initially feel like protection.
We tell ourselves:
I will never trust again.
I will make sure no one gets close enough to hurt me.
I will hold onto this so I never forget what happened.
I will stay angry because they deserve it.
I will not forgive unless they apologize first.
A hardened heart may keep some pain from entering.
But it can also keep healing, peace, trust, and love from returning.
Softening does not mean becoming naïve.
It does not mean removing wise boundaries.
It does not mean placing yourself back into an unsafe situation.
It means refusing to allow someone else’s actions to permanently determine the condition of your heart.
Most Forgiveness Is Never Requested
Sometimes people recognize the harm they caused.
They apologize.
They make amends.
They ask for forgiveness.
But often, they do not.
They may not understand what they did.
They may minimize it.
They may justify themselves.
They may never acknowledge the pain at all.
That means many of the most important acts of forgiveness happen without the person who caused the wound ever asking for them.
Forgiveness cannot depend entirely on another person’s repentance, awareness, or cooperation.
Otherwise, they continue controlling your peace.
Forgiveness becomes a decision between you and God.
It is the choice to begin releasing what happened, even when the person who hurt you does nothing to help with the process.
A Story That Seems Impossible
In 1993, a teenager named Oshea Israel shot and killed the only son of a woman named Mary Johnson.
By almost any human standard, Mary had every reason to hate him.
She carried anger and grief for years.
Eventually, she requested to meet Oshea while he was still in prison.
During their conversation, she told him about her son.
Oshea was no longer merely the person she remembered from the courtroom.
He became human to her.
At the end of the meeting, they embraced.
Mary later realized:
She had just hugged the man who killed her son.
In that moment, she recognized that the hatred she had carried for twelve years had finally left her heart.
Her forgiveness did not bring her son back.
It did not make the crime acceptable.
It did not erase accountability or consequences.
But it released Mary from carrying the offender inside her through constant anger and resentment.
Forgiveness Changed More Than One Life
Mary’s decision also affected Oshea.
He struggled to understand how she could forgive him when he had not fully forgiven himself.
She began treating him with the love and concern of a mother.
Their relationship eventually became so close that they lived next door to each other.
Mary encouraged him to continue his education and build a better life.
She told him that although she had missed seeing her own son graduate, marry, and move through adulthood, perhaps she would be able to witness those milestones in his life.
Her belief in him gave him a reason to keep changing.
Forgiveness did not only set Mary free.
It helped create the possibility that Oshea could become someone different from the person who committed that terrible act.
Forgiveness cannot guarantee another person’s transformation.
But sometimes it opens a door that condemnation would have kept permanently closed.
Forgiveness Is Not Approval
Forgiveness is often misunderstood.
It does not mean:
the offense was acceptable
the pain was insignificant
trust must be immediately restored
consequences should disappear
boundaries are unnecessary
the relationship must return to what it was
Forgiveness and reconciliation are related, but they are not identical.
Reconciliation generally requires honesty, accountability, change, and safety from both people.
Forgiveness can begin within one heart.
You can forgive someone and still maintain distance.
You can release resentment while preserving necessary boundaries.
You can desire peace without returning to a damaging relationship.
Forgiveness is not pretending the wound was harmless.
It is choosing not to carry the weapon after the attack is over.
The Process May Take Time
Stories of extraordinary forgiveness can inspire us.
But they can also make us feel ashamed when our own hearts do not change immediately.
Mary carried her pain for twelve years.
Forgiveness was not a switch she flipped in one afternoon.
It was a process.
That matters.
A person may sincerely want to forgive and still feel anger tomorrow.
They may release the hurt and then feel it return.
They may pray for help repeatedly.
They may have to choose forgiveness many times before peace becomes consistent.
That does not mean they have failed.
It means the ointment is still working.
Each prayer, compassionate thought, honest conversation, act of surrender, and attempt to understand may soften the heart a little more.
Eventually, what was buried may rise close enough to the surface to be released.
You Do Not Have to Rush Your Healing
Some wounds are deep.
Some involve betrayal, abuse, abandonment, injustice, or loss.
No one should use the command to forgive as a way to pressure a hurting person into silence or premature reconciliation.
Healing cannot always be rushed.
You may need time.
You may need professional help.
You may need distance.
You may need to tell the truth about what happened.
You may need boundaries that protect you from further harm.
Taking healing seriously is not the same as choosing bitterness.
Forgiveness is not denying your pain.
It is bringing that pain honestly to the One who knows how to heal it.
The Example of Jesus Christ
While Jesus Christ was being crucified, He prayed:
“Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” — Luke 23:34
He offered mercy while experiencing unimaginable injustice.
That does not mean He expects us to produce that kind of forgiveness through sheer willpower.
His example reveals what divine love can make possible.
Because He suffered for our sins, sorrows, wounds, and grief, He understands both the offender and the offended.
He knows what was done to you.
He knows what it cost you.
He knows how long you have carried it.
And He can help you release what you do not have the strength to release alone.
Forgiveness is not merely something Christ commanded.
It is something His grace enables.
Give the Hurt Away
There is something meaningful in the word forgive.
To forgive is, in a sense, to give something away.
The hurt entered your life without your permission.
But you do not have to keep it forever.
You can give the anger to God.
Give Him the resentment.
Give Him the unanswered questions.
Give Him the desire for revenge.
Give Him the part of you that still wants the offender to hurt as much as you did.
Forgiveness is not saying:
“This did not matter.”
It is saying:
“This matters too much for me to carry it forever.”
Mercy and the Hope of Receiving It
Jesus taught:
“Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.” — Matthew 5:7
Every one of us will need mercy.
We will all hurt people, misunderstand people, react poorly, speak carelessly, and fail to love perfectly.
Sometimes we will recognize it.
Sometimes we may never fully understand the pain we caused.
Remembering our own need for grace can soften the way we view others.
This does not eliminate accountability.
It reminds us that no person should be reduced forever to their worst act.
The same mercy that helps us release another person is the mercy we hope will one day be extended to us.
Anchoring Quote
“Heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive.” — Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Practical Reflection
Consider these questions:
What pain have I allowed to remain beneath the surface?
Is my heart becoming softer or harder around this wound?
Am I waiting for an apology that may never come?
What would forgiveness free me from?
Do I need stronger boundaries as part of my healing?
Have I allowed myself enough time and support?
What part of this burden can I begin giving to Christ?
You do not have to complete the entire healing process today.
You only need to take the next honest step.
Today’s Daily Challenge
Identify one hurt you are still carrying.
Then apply one small measure of healing ointment.
You might:
Pray for the desire to forgive.
Write down what happened and what it cost you.
Tell God honestly how angry or hurt you still feel.
Replace one recurring thought of revenge with a prayer for peace.
Establish a healthy boundary.
Speak with a trusted friend, leader, or counselor.
Say aloud, “I do not want to carry this forever.”
The goal is not to force immediate forgiveness.
The goal is to begin softening the place where the pain has remained.
Closing
Forgiveness may be one of the hardest things you ever choose.
It asks you to release something you never asked to carry.
It may require patience.
It may require repeated prayer.
It may require more courage than holding onto the anger ever did.
But resentment keeps the wound open.
Forgiveness creates room for healing.
Day after day, you can apply the ointment.
You can choose softening instead of hardening.
Peace instead of revenge.
Freedom instead of continued captivity to the past.
Eventually, the hurt that remained buried may come close enough to the surface for Christ to remove it.
And when it leaves, you may discover that forgiveness did not excuse what happened.
It simply stopped what happened from continuing to live inside you.
You are not weak because forgiveness takes time.
Keep applying the ointment.
Keep asking for help.
Keep choosing to release what you were never meant to keep.
Forgiving is what Christ gave His life to make possible.
