How to Stop Hurt From Creating More Hurt
Becoming a Peacemaker in a World That Loves to Fight Back
It usually does not begin with something huge.
Someone sends a rude text.
Someone leaves you out.
Someone says something about you.
Someone posts a screenshot they probably should not have posted.
Someone embarrasses you, interrupts you, cuts you off, ignores you, or says something that gets under your skin.
Then something very human happens.
You want to return the favor.
They hurt you, so you hurt them.
They embarrass you, so you embarrass them.
They send an angry message, so you send a better one.
Or at least a longer one.
And before long, something that could have ended in five minutes is still growing three days later.
Hurt has a strange ability to reproduce itself.
Isaiah describes a very different kind of world:
“They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain.”
—Isaiah 11:9
That sounds incredible.
Imagine a world without cruelty.
Without bullying.
Without war.
Without hatred.
Without people constantly looking for ways to tear one another down.
But the next part of Isaiah’s verse may be even more important because it tells us why that peace exists:
“For the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea.”
Did you notice the word for?
People will not hurt or destroy because the earth will be full of the knowledge of the Lord.
In other words:
The more completely people know Jesus Christ, the harder it should become to keep treating each other terribly.
That makes sense.
How can you spend your life learning about the Savior who forgave people while they crucified Him and then decide revenge is the best way to live?
How can you follow the Savior who repeatedly noticed people everyone else ignored and then become comfortable excluding someone?
How can you worship the Prince of Peace while constantly creating conflict everywhere you go?
Knowing Jesus Christ should eventually change something about us.
Not instantly.
Not perfectly.
But gradually.
President Russell M. Nelson has taught repeatedly about the need for disciples of Jesus Christ to become peacemakers.
And being a peacemaker does not mean becoming weak.
Sometimes peace requires tremendous courage.
It may mean being the first person to apologize.
It may mean refusing to pass along gossip when everyone else is enjoying it.
It may mean calmly saying, “That’s not okay,” instead of joining in.
It may mean leaving a group chat.
It may mean forgiving someone while still setting a healthy boundary.
It may mean deciding that winning an argument is not worth damaging a relationship.
And sometimes it simply means not sending the message you have already typed.
That may be one of the most spiritually advanced uses of the delete button.
Seriously.
There is a tiny space between being hurt and deciding what to do next.
A lot can happen in that space.
You can react.
Or you can remember Jesus Christ.
Those few seconds may be where discipleship happens.
You might ask:
What would the Prince of Peace have me do next?
Not:
What response will embarrass them most?
Not:
How do I prove I am right?
Not:
How do I make sure they feel what I felt?
What would Jesus Christ have me do next?
That does not mean every relationship has to continue.
It does not mean tolerating abuse.
It does not mean pretending someone’s choices did not hurt you.
And forgiveness does not necessarily mean trust is instantly restored.
But peace means refusing to let someone else’s bad choice decide who you become.
There is another way we sometimes “hurt or destroy” that Isaiah’s words make me think about.
Sometimes the person we are hurting is ourselves.
Think about the way people talk to themselves after they fail.
“I’m so stupid.”
“I ruin everything.”
“Nobody likes me.”
“I’ll never change.”
“I’m not good enough.”
We would probably be horrified if someone spoke that way to one of our friends.
Yet somehow we think it is acceptable when we are the one doing the talking.
There is a difference between recognizing that you need to improve and hating yourself because you are imperfect.
Repentance says:
I can change because of Jesus Christ.
Self-hatred says:
I am hopeless because I am me.
Those are not the same message.
And only one of them sounds like the gospel.
This actually connects beautifully back to Isaiah’s earlier promise:
“Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.”
If Jesus Christ is willing to forgive you, at some point you may need to stop insisting that your mistake deserves a punishment He is no longer asking you to carry.
Brad Wilcox once told about a young man who discovered that spiritual growth changed when he spent less time hating himself for what he had done and more time loving Jesus for what He had done.
I love that idea.
Maybe peace is not only learning to stop hurting other people.
Maybe it is also learning to stop destroying yourself every time you fall short.
The world Isaiah describes begins with knowing the Lord.
That means peace does not begin somewhere out there in the Millennium.
It can begin in a hallway at school.
In your home.
In a car.
In a text conversation.
In your own thoughts.
Every time somebody chooses to respond a little more like Jesus Christ, Isaiah’s world gets a little closer.
Scripture
“They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain: for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea.”
—Isaiah 11:9
“Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.”
—Matthew 5:9
Reflection
Where do you most often see hurt creating more hurt?
Is there a conflict in your life where you are more focused on winning than creating peace?
How might knowing Jesus Christ better change the way you respond?
What do you usually say to yourself after you make a mistake?
Would you speak that way to someone you love?
Where could the Prince of Peace bring more peace into your life right now?
Today’s Challenge
Identify one cycle of hurt that you can interrupt today.
It might be:
refusing to repeat gossip
deleting an angry message
apologizing
forgiving
defending someone
choosing not to respond to an insult
including someone who is usually left out
changing the way you speak to yourself after a mistake
Before you respond, pause and ask:
“What would the Prince of Peace have me do next?”
Then do that.
You cannot control whether someone else chooses peace.
But you can decide whether their hurt becomes the reason you create more of it.
Christ-Centered Thought
Jesus Christ is called the Prince of Peace.
And yet His mortal life was filled with conflict around Him.
People accused Him.
Mocked Him.
Rejected Him.
Betrayed Him.
Beat Him.
Crucified Him.
Peace did not mean He never encountered hurt.
It meant hurt never got to decide who He became.
He remained compassionate.
He remained truthful.
He remained obedient.
He remained willing to forgive.
That may be one of the greatest forms of strength Jesus Christ can give us.
Not the power to make sure nobody ever hurts us.
But the power to keep another person’s actions from turning us into somebody we do not want to become.
Isaiah says a day will come when people will no longer “hurt nor destroy” because the earth will be full of the knowledge of the Lord.
You do not have to wait for that day to begin living that way.
Know Him a little better.
Follow Him a little more closely.
Let the Prince of Peace bring peace into one relationship, one conversation, one reaction, and even one thought about yourself.
That is how His peace begins to spread.
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