Parents are trying to solve a problem that no previous generation of parents has faced in quite the same way.
Phones.
Social media.
Video games.
Streaming.
TikTok.
Constant access to entertainment and communication.
The answer probably isn't eliminating technology from our children's lives.
It is helping them eventually learn something much more important:
How to control it themselves.
Original Drive Episode: #260 — Tips for Parenting with Technology
Listen to the Episode
What This Resource Is About
Parents ask questions like these all the time:
How do I get my teenager off their phone?
How do I get my child to stop playing so many video games?
How much screen time is too much?
How do I protect my kids online without creating constant battles?
There isn't one perfect answer.
But there are some principles that can make technology much easier to navigate as a family.
Start with involvement
Parents should know something about the digital world their children inhabit.
What games do they play?
What apps do they use?
Who are they communicating with?
What do they enjoy about it?
Sometimes one of the best things a parent can do is actually enter that world with them.
Play the game.
Watch something together.
Ask them to show you why they enjoy an app.
Technology does not have to always separate families.
Used intentionally, it can sometimes help us connect.
Set boundaries—but explain why
Children need limits.
Technology should not be an exception.
But teenagers especially respond differently when a rule feels arbitrary than when they understand the reasoning behind it.
Before creating restrictions, talk about why.
Why phones might stay away from the dinner table.
Why devices might charge outside bedrooms.
Why there may be limits on gaming.
Why certain apps or online behaviors present risks.
Whenever possible, involve teenagers in the conversation.
The eventual goal isn't simply:
My parents made me follow technology rules.
It's:
I understand why healthy limits matter.
Model what you're teaching
This one can hurt a little.
We cannot constantly check our phones and then become frustrated because our kids constantly check theirs.
We cannot tell them to put devices away during family time while answering messages ourselves.
Kids are watching us.
Sometimes the most powerful technology lesson we teach is never spoken.
Help them find something better
When Brooklyn was very young, I once found her sitting on a kitchen counter holding a large knife.
I knew if I lunged for it, her natural response would probably be to grip it more tightly.
So instead, I pulled out a sucker.
Suddenly there was something she wanted more.
She willingly handed over the knife.
There is a parenting principle in that story.
Sometimes constantly trying to take technology away becomes a battle.
Another strategy is helping children discover things they genuinely want more than technology.
Sports.
Hiking.
Music.
Friends.
Art.
Working with their hands.
Travel.
Family activities.
A hobby.
Time with Mom or Dad.
The more meaningful alternatives children have in the real world, the easier it becomes for them to voluntarily put down the virtual one.
Ultimately, teach self-control
Parents can control technology for young children.
But eventually children grow up.
You won't always be there to remove the phone, shut off the game, block the app, or enforce the bedtime.
So the long-term goal cannot simply be parental control.
The goal is self-control.
We want children who eventually know how to say:
I've been on this too long.
I need to put this down.
This isn't making me feel good.
I should go do something else.
This isn't something I want in my life.
That kind of judgment takes time to develop.
And home is one of the best places to practice it.
Key Takeaways
Be involved in your child's digital life. Know what they're doing online instead of treating technology as an entirely separate world.
Create reasonable boundaries. Tech-free meals, nighttime charging locations, time limits, and family expectations can provide needed structure.
Explain the why behind the rules. Understanding produces stronger long-term judgment than rules alone.
Model healthy technology use yourself. Children notice whether the standards apply to parents too.
Replace, don't only remove. Help kids find relationships, hobbies, activities, and experiences they enjoy enough to leave the screen voluntarily.
Self-control is the ultimate goal. Gradually move from controlling technology for children toward helping them learn to control themselves.
Maybe one of the best conversations a family can have isn't:
How much technology should our kids be allowed to use?
Maybe it's:
How can we help one another make sure technology stays a good part of our lives without becoming the most important part?
That's a conversation parents and teenagers can have together.
Related Topics
Technology & Social Media
Parenting • Screen Time • Phones • Social Media • Boundaries • Self-Control
Related Resources
Is Your Phone Serving You—or Controlling You?
A principle parents and teens can use together to evaluate who's really in control.
How to Raise Responsible, Independent Kids Without Enabling Them
The long-term goal of parenting is not permanent parental control, but helping children learn to manage increasing responsibility themselves.
