Most of us would probably prefer growth without discomfort, confidence without risk, and strength without having to struggle first.
Unfortunately, that isn’t usually how growth works. Sometimes it isn’t enough to remind ourselves that we can do hard things. There are hard things we actually must do because becoming stronger often requires leaving the places where we already feel comfortable.
Original Drive Episode: #108 — I Must Do Hard Things
Listen to the Episode
What This Resource Is About
Years ago, our family lost our little Maltese, Bear. He had been part of our family for more than twelve years, and my daughters absolutely loved him.
Sometime afterward, we ended up with a couple of hermit crabs. As pets go, they weren’t exactly a replacement for Bear. But watching those little creatures taught me something I’ve remembered ever since.
As hermit crabs grow, the shell that once protected them eventually becomes too small. To keep growing, they have to leave it.
And for a period of time, that makes them vulnerable.
I think we spend a surprising amount of our lives doing the opposite. We find a shell that feels safe and then do everything possible to stay inside it. Maybe it’s avoiding a conversation we know we need to have. Maybe it’s refusing to try something because we might fail. Maybe it’s staying where we’re comfortable because stepping into something unfamiliar feels frightening.
My daughters experienced a version of that with girls’ camp. There were years when neither one particularly wanted to go. Home was comfortable. Camp meant unfamiliar situations, new people, and several days away from the things that made life feel easy.
But they went.
And around a campfire, they heard girl after girl essentially say the same thing: I didn’t really want to come.
Then came the other half:
I’m sure glad I did.
They had left one shell and discovered that there was a bigger one waiting for them.
That is why I’ve come to believe that the phrase “I can do hard things” may not go quite far enough.
Sometimes I must do hard things.
Not because suffering itself is good. Not because every difficult thing should simply be endured. But because many of the qualities we want most—confidence, courage, resilience, independence, faith—are developed by doing things that stretch us beyond what already feels comfortable.
The shell that protected you yesterday may be the very thing preventing you from growing today.
Key Takeaways
Growth usually requires some vulnerability. Leaving what is familiar can feel uncomfortable precisely because we are stepping beyond who we have already been.
Comfortable places can eventually become limiting places. Something that once protected us may later keep us from developing greater confidence and capacity.
Hard things often look different after we do them. Like the girls who didn’t want to attend camp but were grateful afterward, we often discover strength on the other side of something we were initially tempted to avoid.
Resilience is built through experience. Confidence doesn’t always come before the difficult step. Sometimes confidence is the result of taking it.
Look for the hard thing already in front of you. Start the conversation. Take the initiative. Try the thing you’ve been postponing. Leave enough room in your life to grow into a bigger shell.
There will always be another shell to leave and another opportunity to grow.
Maybe that’s part of the point.
We spend so much time trying to arrive somewhere comfortable that we forget the journey itself may be where much of the becoming happens.
Related Topics
Adversity & Resilience
Resilience • Growth • Courage • Confidence • Personal Growth
Related Resources
Getting Back Up When Life Knocks You Down
When hardship knocks us flat, resilience begins with deciding that the difficult chapter we are living does not have to be the final chapter of our story.
How to Build a Strong Work Ethic—and Teach It to Your Kids
How effort, responsibility, and doing difficult things help develop character.
How to Raise Responsible, Independent Kids Without Enabling Them
How allowing children to struggle, learn, and carry responsibility prepares them for adulthood.
