The Journey is the Destination
Welcome to my first blog post! The Journey is the Destination!
I hope at some point I can learn more about your story and what makes you, you...
I love learning about other people's stories and how it's shaped them into who they are... Each story is so unique and special...
I’d like to start out today by telling you a little about my story... And how it has shaped who I am and how it has led me here...My name is Josh Downs...I’m from Salt Lake City, Utah...I’m a divorced father of two beautiful daughters and a graduate from the University of Utah. I love spending time in the outdoors and you’ll often find my girls and I on some adventure, somewhere outside...I’m also a former religious educator for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints...a certified life coach and love public speaking...Now my journey up to this point in my life has probably been a lot like yours... it has been full of ups and downs...highs and lows...twists and turns...moments filled with joy and others with intense heartache...That’s just life isn’t it? What has seen me through all of it though, has been my faith.
My father instilled within me, at a very young age, a belief in and a desire to follow Christ...I watched my Dad closely growing up and like most boys wanted to be just like my Dad. I loved the way he was as a father and how he spent time with each of us and made each of us feel so special...i loved how he treated my mother... And devoted his life to teaching others...I knew I wanted all of that for myself...but I also knew that if I was to be like him in those ways that I had to understand what made him that way...It wasn’t hard to figure out that the biggest influence on him as a father and husband was His Faith...it permeated his life and was at the core of who he was...he had chosen to become a religions educator and did so for close to 40years...I could tell how much he loved his work and how much his work influenced who he was...And so as I approached my own career choices, although I had many different paths I could have taken...I found myself gravitating towards what he did...Soon I followed in his footsteps and became a religions educator myself...Teaching and testifying of Christ to those students that came through my classroom was one of the greatest privileges and blessings of my life. Helping them navigate through the difficult teenage years and supporting them in any way I could was one of the most rewarding experiences second to only to being a husband and father...it was a career that I loved.
However, it was not meant to be my final destination as life had other plans for me... After 10 years of marriage I went through a very painful divorce and found myself in a place I never thought I would be, nor wanted to be...Unless you’ve been through divorce yourself...there is no way to adequately describe the heartache associated with it...along with that I had to let go of the profession I loved...I don’t think I could have experienced any more of an abrupt change than I did during that period of my life...My whole life had instantly been turned upside down...
In trying to understand and cope with everything that was happening to me I reached out to therapists, got counseling, worked with life coaches and learned more about the human brain and mind in that short period of a few years than I had in the 40 years prior to that...All I’ve been able to think since is, why wasn’t any of this explained to me before? I came to understand important concepts like resistance, the importance of selfcare, the role of boundaries and how to set and hold them, the worth grabs and power games we play all because we are just trying to feel safe and secure. I learned about insecurity, fear and shame and how damaging they can be to everything they touch...I’ve learned about the deadly diseases of codependency and enabling...I came to understand the incredibly influential role that our subconscious mind plays in our lives. I also learned from firsthand experience, the very real effects of new and past trauma’s and the resulting self-sabotage that comes from them.
I once had a therapist friend of mine tell me, from his extensive experience in working with people, that “life is designed to repeat itself, until we get it right” As I began to study and learn about all of these things it was almost like coming out of a fog and turning off auto pilot as I started to see all the unhealthy process and patterns that had been in play in my life for so long...i wanted and knew things had to change...There have been a few other gut punches along the way since but I’m learning to see them for what they are and to see and embrace who I truly am...and all I can be... And I have to say...finding your authentic self is everything!
Despite all the twists and turns and changes in my life...my true passion has always been in helping others to achieve their goals, navigate life’s challenges, better connect with God and become all they are capable of becoming ...I started this blog with the hope of taking all that I have learned and experienced and help make that kind of a difference in the lives of those that will read it. I’ve always believed that the largest of changes often begin with the smallest of thoughts, and so I’ve chosen that concept to be the premise of this blog...I wanted to create something that would be impactful followed with a thought provoking thought or challenge that can help drive big changes in a person’s life.
As most of you reading have probably figured out by now as I have, life can be hard, there are no guarantees, and often we’re left with more questions than answers. I’ve certainly experienced, as I’m sure you have, my own crises of health, of the heart and of faith over the years but along with each of these...I’ve learned lessons that have helped shaped my personal journey through life for good and that I truly believe can help shape yours. My hope is that you’ll join me on this journey to navigate the challenges of life and to become all we are capable of becoming...to find, accept, and love your authentic self.
Now for my message for today and to kind of set the tone for everything that's coming with this podcast...I’d like to focus on the concepts of destination and the journey.
Years ago...I had the opportunity to travel to Hawaii and spend some time on the island of Maui...on Maui there is a small destination that you can drive to called Hannah...it’s quite a long drive on a narrow old two lane road...Now anyone that has done this particular activity will tell you that the value in taking this drive isn’t just in the destination, as beautiful as Hannah is but it’s also in the journey...that’s why this particular activity is referred to as the Road to Hannah...Over the course of this drive there are so many incredible sights to see and experience that could easily be missed if the focus is just on getting to the destination...There were lush gardens with plants and flowers unlike anything I’d ever seen before...there were waterfalls and emerald pools that were breathtaking to see...and beaches beyond description, all different from the last. There were brown sand, grey sand, red sand, white sand, and black sand beaches all to be seen and experienced along the way. And I was able to experience all of these because I allowed myself to disconnect from where it was I was heading and instead try to enjoy what the journey brought...This experience has opened my eyes so much to the purpose of life... I know we all have destinations we want to get to and that we are working towards...Some of you listening might be working towards finding a better job, or finding someone to share life with...deepening and or repairing an existing relationship...creating a better financial situation for yourself or your family, getting through school, healing past traumas, or maybe just looking to get to a place of greater personal happiness or peace. It can be so easy to think if I can just get to this destination than I’ll be happy and things will make sense...While all of these destinations and desires are natural to have and worthwhile to work towards...as with my experience with the Road to Hannah I’ve learned that much of the purpose and enjoyment of life can be missed by focusing too much on the destination instead of the journey.
In fact, a big part of the reason I've experienced unhappiness and depression in my life is because I was focusing too much on the destination instead of the journey. I wanted to get to a place where I was always happy, where I had the family I always wanted, where I never experienced poor health or struggled financially...My message for you today is that the best way for you to get to where you want to go and to have the best experiences you can along the way...is make the destination secondary to the journey...and that’s not easy to do...especially if you’re at a place where you never really wanted to be...and you can’t get to the destination you’ve been hoping for fast enough. There is an incredible book titled “Man’s search for meaning”...The author Victor Frankl documents the terrible conditions he faced as a prisoner in one of the worst Nazi death camps during world war two...it’s an incredible account of the ability of the human spirit to hold on to hope even when there doesn’t seem to be any...How even after having everything that one loves completely stripped away, homes, jobs, friends, family, food, even the very clothes on your body, that one can still find something to hold on to, to fight for and to believe in. One message among many in this book is that no matter how far we are away from the destination we desire...there is always hope!! In fact it was the loss of hope and the loss of something to live for that he states was one of the biggest killers in these death camps...He recorded that he could tell who would die next from their suffering simply by observing a loss of hope on their face and in their eyes...So again I’ll emphasize no matter where you are or how far way you are from where you want to be...never give up hope...we can always find something to hold on to and to live for even in the darkest of moments!
Now aside from that...He makes one point almost as a side note at the beginning of his book that I think is truly profound and that I would like to share here at the start of our journey...especially as it relates to the concept of destination...again keeping in mind whatever the destination is that you have been longing for yourself. In the beginning of his book he makes the observation...that in writing this particular book, that he wrote it with the intent of never putting his name to it...it was to be completely anonymous...there was no desire or intent of any fame, recognition or literary success of any kind...It was written solely to convey his message. Only after it was written did some close family and friends convince him to put his name to it, so as to give it more credibility. He makes the observation that out of the 30 plus books he has written, how surprisingly it was that the one that easily became his most successful was also the one he wrote without any intent of success.
In recognizing this, His message to others is, as he states in his book is ...“Don’t aim at success...the more you aim at it and make it a target the more you are going to miss. For success like happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side affect of one’s dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the byproduct of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success; you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge, Then you will live to see that in the long run and he emphasizes the Long run! Success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think of it.” - Victor Frankl “Mans Search for Meaning.”
The message I’d like for you to take away today, is that the surest way for you to get to your desired destination and to find the happiness you desire, is to let that destination go and instead focus on your journey! As you do that...the destination will take care of itself. You can do this by focusing on living in the present, trusting the process, being the best version of you each and every day...at work, at school, in your community, at home, following whatever you truly feel your purpose is each day...develop that consistent practice and instead of you arriving at your destination...you’ll find your desired destination will come to you!...and may just find that you will have come to love the journey that it took to get there just as much if not more than the destination.
The scriptures are an example of this... Where we are going is mentioned a fraction of the times compared to those things taught that can help us to get there. In fact, that's all the scriptures really are, is a record of the journey made by those who came before us on their way back to God and to become the best version of themselves that they could be... God loves the journey and wants to accompany us on ours...
So my challenge for you today is this...Today...as much as you want a better financial situation...stop for a moment and instead of thinking about what you don’t have, take some time to be grateful and truly appreciate what you do have... Today...as much as you don’t want to be alone if that is your situation...stop and appreciate the gift and opportunity it is to better connect with who you are and then do it! Today as much as you may want a meaningful romantic relationship...stop trying to force it and instead focus on, appreciate, enjoy and develop the relationships you already have...call up or visit an old friend you haven’t talked to in a while... Today as much as you want to find and know your purpose...stop and focus on just taking a step that day in what feels like the right direction...As much as you want to get to a place of happiness...stop and appreciate the struggle...look for things that can bring joy all around us that we most likely take for granted. As much as you want to have fixed whatever is broken in your life...stop and recognize the beauty of each broken piece and I promise you will see better the unseen hands that will be there helping you to pick up those pieces and to put things back together even better than they were before...As you practice living in the moment and living with intent on a daily basis you will truly come to love the journey maybe even more than the destination...in fact you may just come to see that it was really the journey that was the destination all along.
Focusing on coming to love that daily journey and including God in it is how this blog can help. One of my favorite Chinese proverbs says that “the journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step” The nature of this podcast has been designed to help you connect with God and take that first step, second step or simply another step in the direction you’d like to go...wherever you are. Again my intent is to give you something each day to think about, to consider, and to use in your daily drive and journey of becoming the best version of you that you can be...i can't wait to hear about the experiences you will have on your journey in the coming days weeks and maybe even years.. So please if this is something you want for yourself and that you feel would be helpful to you...then let's go! Follow this blog...invite others to join you, friends family, neighbors and other acquaintances...anyone that you know that would like to take a similar journey and that could benefit from these types of thoughts, principles, insights and challenges.
Together and with God's help...we’ll move forward from wherever you are to where you want to be while enjoying, appreciating and loving every step along the way!
